whoop their it is

Hello rgpars,

We have received a complaint regarding some things you said in chat
at our tables.

111132650 rgpars sharkscope is for fucking retards 4 6/23/2007 11:53:43 PM
(I am not sure why I said this, I use sharkscope all the time)
111132650 rgpars what crap 4 6/23/2007 11:59:21 PM
(Here I rivered 2 pair when I was all in with Q10 against KK and AQ, I felt bad)
111132650 rgpars i have to take a mean dump 4 6/23/2007 11:59:40 PM
(I really did)

If I get a warning for goofing off in the chat, I bet Lee Jones and his thugs took this guy out and the Costa Rican jungle, beat him mercilessly, and left him for dead.

shawnbb73: POKERSTARS IS SOME CHEATING UNREGULATED SITE........I HOPE YOU GET SHUT DOWN NEXT MONTH WHEN THE TRUTH HITS THE FRONT PAGE THAT YOUR SITE CHEATS MOBSTERS GANGSTERS CHEATERS........ALL RIGHT HERE POKER STARS IS A BUNCH OF LIARS

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Moving on. I was tickled pink to learn that some rich Aussie bible thumper opened up a Creation Museum in KKKentucky. Fortunately, these guys went undercover to get the real story. I can't believe any of them were able to keep straight faces through the whole ordeal.

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Vegas trip is coming up quickly. I am once again going to grace the Imperial Palace with my presence. I can't wait to play blackjack against Madonna, or get a royal gut ache when I break my promise to stay away from the Emperors Buffet. I think I am going to try what I learned is called the "$20 trick." I don't really care much about the upgrade, as I imagine we won't be spending a lot of time in the room, but it seems like it might be fun to try.

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I just got this in my email a few minutes ago. A fine cause, but someone needs to do a little research on how to spell peoples names.

no, I didn't win this hand, and yes I spent 3 hours in a 2 dollar tourney for a whopping buck forty five.

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to rgpars [Ks Kc]
rgpars: raises 1200 to 1600
DangIFold: folds
broncoook: folds
larry1dart: calls 292 and is all-in
strapNlefty: folds
Jonny B the1: calls 1600
Fabulez: folds
jdeere5220: folds
wizzardking: folds
*** FLOP *** [Kh 6d 2s]
rgpars: bets 800
Jonny B the1: raises 7055 to 7855 and is all-in
rgpars: calls 3700 and is all-in

I was trying to pull off a "big" score in Little Chinatown by dabbling in some late night 8 bit donkfest clusterfuck tourney on pokerstars. No good.

I have a CD compilation of every great song from every great artist of the Nineteen Nineties. Wilson Phillips. LEN. Smashmouth. Screaming Trees. Blind Melon. Smashing Pumpkins. Daft Punk. Nirvana. Squirrel Nut Zippers. Mighty Mighty Bosstones. Des'ree. Portishead. Jawbox. Helium. Fastball. Dinosaur Jr. Boss Hog. The Beastie Boys. Green Day. Jets to Brazil. EPMD. Sonic Youth. Ice-T. Yo La Tengo. Jewel. Veruca Salt. Weezer. Tricky. Unwound. Nashville Pussy. Seaweed. Radiohead. Pizzicato 5. Superchunk. 411. Semisonic. Massive Attack. Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. Sleater Kinney. Fatboy Slim. Modest Mouse. Beck. Ice Cube. Bell Biv Devoe. The Black Crowes. INXS. Digital Underground. Foo Fighters. Built To Spill. Coldplay. The Breeders. At the Drive In. Snoop Dogg. Natalie Merchant. Black Sheep. Roni Size. Rage Against the Machine. Morphine. The Dismemberment Plan. The Get Up Kids. Helmet. Jimmy Eat World. Pixies. Tone-Loc. Public Enemy. Phil Collins. Air. The Delta 72. Unsane. SWV. Digable Planets. Dr. Dre. Chemical Brothers. PM Dawn. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Le Tigre. Sublime. Fiona Apple. Whitney Houston. The International Noise Conspiracy. Elliot Smith. Eminem. Kid N Play. Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock. Guns N Roses. Prince. Seal. Salt N Pepa. Presidents of the United States of America. The Wallflowers. Tom Cochrane. Live. REM. Naughty By Nature. No Doubt. U2. Juno. Red Hot Chili Peppers. The Rembrandts. Dave Mathews Band. Stone Temple Pilots. Fugazi. Mudhoney. LL Cool J. Nicki French. Dee-Lite. Janet Jackson.

Turn on, tune in, cash out.

Just got a fat check from pokerstars that would have been much fatter had I cashed out a few months ago. Hopefully all goes well when I drive to the bank tomorrow, drop that baby in the pnuematic tube, and ask them to deposit the money into my bank account. I left myself a few hundred bones to play around with on pokerstars. I see it as coming full circle to where I was 3 years ago with my bankroll. I dropped a few hundred on pokerroom.com and then deposited 50 bucks on pokerstars a few months later. I ran that up to a few hundred and then totally cashed out to buy x-mas gifts in Dec '04. I loaded $150 into fulltilt.com the following January and never really looked back, and never had to reload. The money I made from that deposit on full tilt paid for trips to Vegas and 2 to Atlantic City and is now paying for another trip to Vegas. It also helped take care of some everyday expenses when my money got low. Now, I am basically back to where I started, playing 6 dollar SNGs and micro buy-in MTTs trying to rebuild a bankroll.

Pre-Sopranos dinner/ post bustout wine.

insert trite phrase here

330pm - First hand. 85 off. folded.

338pm - I've got last longer side action bets with two RGPers. 20 bucks from each to the winner. Haven't seen a flop yet after a dozen hands.

346pm - Didn't play 1 hand the first level.

358pm - First guy out on our table. He was bad. lost with 106 suited.

400pm - - 2 out of 4 times while in big blind (50%)
- 0 out of 3 times while in small blind (0%)
- 0 out of 21 times in other positions (0%)

405pm - first raise from middle position takes down the blinds.

413pm - will eventually need cards. best hand i've had (AJ suited), i had to fold. took down another uncontested with MP raise.

422pm - donked off half my stack with 87 suited on a 72Q flop.

429pm - can't even make the first break. I raise to 1200 from MP with AQ. BB calls and flop comes K106. I bet about 2500 (3/4ths of my stack) and he raises me all in..................with 77. I call off my last ~1000. Don't hit. Nice play there BB. Nice play me!

Ready to Rumble

About 15 minutes until my 3rd foray into playing the Sunday Million. Stay Tuned for the live blogging extravaganza.

Tits!

Eat that retreads. I just won a ticket to the Sunday Million on Pokerstars in a 11.70 double shootout. The first table I went from shortstack with 4 left to winner within the span of about 25 hands. It was one of those rare situations where you win a few hands, make a well timed bluff, and then completely run over the table. The final round I was able build up a nice stack and stay in 2nd place pretty much the whole time and cruised until the last dude busted. I think this might change "the plan" a bit. I realized that with my goldstar status I would be able to use my FPPs for an "electronics store gift card," so I think I am going to do that instead of use them to buy-in to another Sunday Million. I think I might play this Sunday and live blog that shit.

PokerStars Tournament #51835805, No Limit Hold'em
Super Satellite
Buy-In: $10.70/$1.00
86 players
Total Prize Pool: $920.20
Target Tournament #51769624 Buy-In: $215.00
4 tickets to the target tournament

Tournament started - 2007/06/08 - 23:20:00 (ET)

Dear rgpars,

You finished the tournament in 1st place.
You qualified to play in Tournament #51769624 and are automatically registered for it.
See Tournament #51769624 Lobby for further details.

If you choose to unregister from this tournament your account will be credited
with $215.00 Tournament dollars. Tournament dollars can be used to buy into
any tournament.
Visit our web site at http://www.pokerstars.com/tournaments.html for more details.

Dear Lord

I have hardly been watching the NBA playoffs at all being that the T-wolves didn't make it, but I had the pleasure of watching most of the 4th quarter and both overtimes of the Pistons/Cavs game. Lebron James scored the last 25 points for his team and they are now one game away from the finals. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it.

While I am on the topic of sports, the Minnesota Twins seem to be in the midst of turning the season around a la 2006, and the Brewers seem to be seriously fading....a la 2006. I sincerely hope the Brewers take the NL central, but they aren't looking that good lately. I would sell my soul to see a Twins-Brewers world series, and would donate my left nut to get a ticket to that game. Could you imagine?

The Plan

Consider this a public proclamation regarding my intention to quit playing online poker for the foreseeable future. I am fairly convinced that the games have largely dried up on pokerstars and it is too difficult to move money around to bother looking for softer games at other sites. The plan is to withdraw my remaining balance on pokerstars once I hit enough FPPs to buy a ticket to the Sunday Million Donkstravaganza. This should take a weeks worth of time or less. I was going to hold out and wait until I got enough FPPs to buy a digital camera to replace the one I had stolen out of my car a few weeks ago (thank you very much anonymous prick who broke into my car in my garage, next time I will be waiting with a baseball bat and beat your fucking head in like a 15 year angst ridden teen smashes pumpkins). Playing the Sunday Million on stars has gone so well in the past that it seems fitting that it might be my last act of online poker unless Barney Frank has his way.

The money I cash out will be used fund an excursion to Las Vegas in mid-July. Me and a few buddies are heading out for a short trip sure to be full of poker and large quantities of alcohol, with some sports betting and probably some other casino games thrown in for shits and giggles. I've yet to take a turn at playing drunken (or sober) Pai Gow. I think I might try it. The money that I don't blow in Vegas will go towards some living expenses during the summer when I will be making a near poverty-level wage. I am also planning on checking out the action at the "new and improved" Potawatomi poker room. Stay tuned for a trip report.

Massive Nights

Here is your obligatory grainy cell phone picture of The Hold Steady performing last night at the Miramar in Milwaukee. I believe this was taken during the opening song "Stuck Between Stations," a personal favorite of mine. My GF and I were positioned stage right when the show began, the view was great but it sounded like shit and we moved after the first few songs. The concert was pretty awesome despite the fact that it got ridiculously hot towards the end and the staff at the Miramar did nothing (i.e. open the front doors) to cool it down. Before the show began, there were about 5 or 6 beers placed on the stage where each member of the band would be standing. To top it off there was a bottle of Jameson on an amp. Frontman Craig Finn took at least a few swigs during their set, and it seemed as though he had taken several before the band took the stage. It didn't seem like the band actually drank much of the beer and I guess it is probably kind of hard to drink a beer and play an instrument at the same time as they both require use of one's hands. I can excuse them for not being able to chug beers and rip away on a guitar at the same time, but I can't excuse the fact that the beer they were given (and presumably requested) was Budweiser. Right in front of our Miller-loving eyes. This is Milwaukee for f*** sake! Have a High Life or a Pabst. Shit, if you really wanted to show that you were down, you would polish off some Cream City Pale Ale or an Eastside Dark. Despite the poor choice of beer, The Hold Steady rocked ass. The band ripped through an impressive set that included most of the songs off of Boys and Girls in America, plus selected "classics" like Stevie Nix, Cattle and Creeping Things, Your Little Hoodrat Friend, Modesto is Not That Sweet, etc. Finn also managed to get booed for talking about the Minnesota Twins. It was pretty funny, and I love that a band that has received so much acclaim from the Indie (and mainstream) music press doesn't give a shit about being perceived as uncool for liking baseball. I think it was hard to grow up in Minnesota in the 80s and not develop a serious love for the Twins, I know I did and I relish it. I could give a shit about the Vikings or the Twolves, and don't even get me started about the North Stars (Norm Green, the offer to eat my shit still stands), but don't mess with my Twins. Whom, btw, are in Milwaukee this weekend. GO TWINS!

Long Slow Goodbye

Pokerstars has a big promo going for their upcoming 10 Billionth hand. I've been a multi-table playing douche bag lately to try and take advantage of it. Too bad I can't win a hand or make money in a sit and go to save my life. I think the end might be coming near. Online poker for me is about to go the way of Jerry Falwell. Farewell old friend. I'll see you when the sun meets the ground and I am in it. The same old games are getting boring to me and the number of fish seems to have dropped to a point where it is no longer as profitable as it had been. Plus I'll probably need some extra dough this summer and the poker bankroll seems the obvious choice to draw from.

The idea of being dead and having everything be over has been pervading my consciousness lately. Everything goes through one death; I know that. But does it not freak you the fuck out to realize that one day you will cease to exist and that everything that is YOU is gone??? Your memories, possessions, someday everyone you have ever met will be dead like you have been for awhile. I love life, but someday nothing will be left

Holy Shit....poker

First of all, let's applaud Congressman Barney Fag, I mean Barney Frank, for drafting legislation aimed at stopping this online poker ban nonsense. He stepped up when all these other stuffed suits in office are off playing with themselves. Of course, I don't really expect any of the bible thumping retards in the Republican Party to vote for it. Likewise, I doubt very many of the Democrats will get behind it either. Frank needs to sneak the bill in some unrelated piece of legislation that Republicans can't vote against. That would be sweet; like taking a big shit on Bill Frists' Howdy-Doody looking face.

I played in a honest to god real poker tournament last night and ended up winning the damn thing. It was a 7 card stud tourney with about 50 runners, so it wasn't that great of a pay day. It's been a good amount of time since I last won a tourney, so it was pretty sweet. Maybe this bodes well for a trip to Vegas that is going to take place in a few months. Plane ticket and room are already booked. It should be a 48 hour frenzy of poker and free booze. I wonder if my points on my Imperial Palace players card from 18 months ago are still valid. Pizza Palace here I come!

nappy headed radio hosts

I'll probably get some accidental traffic with that title....

I don't want to have a whole big post about this Dom Imus thing, but the whole thing makes me wanna puke. From what he said, to the ridiculous amount of media coverage, to Rutgers Univ trotting out the whole team for a media Q and A, to morons sticking up for Imus and complaining that he should not have been canned, to Jesse and Al who are utterly shameless about sticking their mugs on TV.

Here's my version of what happened. He said something stupid, the media descended like vultures, his sponsors backed out, and as a result he got fired. He got fired because no company in their right mind wanted their brandname associated with Don Imus, not because of what he said.

While I am on the race issue....MLB allowed teams to make a mockery out of day designed to honor Jackie Robinson. The entire St. Louis Cardinals team donned jerseys with the number 42 on them. I am a big fan of subtlety, this was not subtle. No offense to David Eckstein, or any other white player, but to me it removes some of the meaning of the day when guys like him are sporting Robinson's number on his day. And to add insult to injury, they throttled the Brew Crew.

The hockey playoffs are going on, I feel sad for all you tards who pay no attention. Playoff hockey beats the pants off any of the other major sport playoffs. Except the years when the Twins win the World Series.

dead man's computer.

There are few things in life that leave a person more sad than going through the stuff of someone who has recently passed away. I realize this after salvaging a dead man's computer. Someone will be there when I die to go through my shit and probably judge every little thing that was in my possession. That gives me an idea, put some crazy shit on my computer in the event that I bite the dust. The sad sap that boots the machine up might find dated pictures of every bowel movement I made since 1999 along with a short menu of what I ate the preceding day. Or maybe a collection of unsent love letters to Wembley from Fraggle Rock. Remixes of Pointer Sister songs (that might be pretty awesome, actually), and the entire videography of Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Napster. WAV files of the Doodletown Pipers. Pics of dogs chewing on dildo's. Serial killer biographies.

The computer I went through had the following things:

1. A handful of short porn clips. Sometimes you kinda wonder if porn loses it's thrill when you get old; not for this dude.

2. What seemed to be Clay Aiken's entire discography; this would make some sense if those clips were gay porn, but instead I was left flummoxed.

3. No less than 10 programs about how to get somewhere; microsoft streets and tricks, google maps, microsoft chicks with dicks, google earth, streetfinder, etc. Maybe it was a sign of dementia.

4. A Dummy's Guide to Will's and Estates. Family Tree Maker. 5 or more programs that have to do with income taxes.

About 6 years ago, I helped a friend who managed some apartment buildings clean out the apartment of a lady who had just died. She lived across the way from another tenant I knew and she spent most of her nights in a pitch-black apartment smoking cigarettes. She died, and had no one to claim or clean up her stuff. She had many books; some good stuff too, like Burroughs, Sartre, Hemingway, etc. Yet, all those good books didn't mean one ounce of happiness for her. No doubt she was miserable. I spent most of my last 2 years as an undergrad reading good books and smoking cigarettes by myself. I wasn't miserable (probably not happy either) and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything, but at a certain point one welcomes the company of others .

Quote of the Day

Mike Matusow to Gus Hansen a few months ago across fulltilt chat:

Mike Matusow: gus what u do lick some nuns pussssy last night or somthing.

worst. blog. ever.

You're looking at it. I only have enough thoughts in my little pea brain to muster about 1 post/6 weeks.

I have been getting back into the groove of playing poker on a regular basis. The 2/4 shorthanded limit HE have been my bread and butter. I've sprinkled that with a dash of 2/4 7 card stud and the occasional glass of pot limit omaha, but whatever is in the sit and go's lately has been giving me the shits. Explosive shits. The kind that keep you on the toilet for the better part of an hour. I've been 2 outered, rivered, fucked, flanked, homered, and screwed. Alas, I am hardly playing them now. It's too bad because they are so soft. I'll come back to them once the ring games start to make me ill.

I think I have been light on the poker blogging because I realize blogging about me sitting around playing poker is boring as fuck. It has to be even less exciting reading this crap. I wish I could regale everyone with stories of winning big tourneys or having 40 BB wins in the 10/20 limit game. But, I can't. I am a low limit hero. The muse of that Foreigner song was a 'jukebox hero.' And I am a 'low limit hero,' and that's the way it is and probably the way it will be until I cashout all my dough and put it all on 'black.'

Oh, by the way. Kudos to the commenter on my previous post. My heart almost melted after I head that complement.

8 oz Bud cans, tranny hookers, and happy endings.

I woke up at 1 pm after my first night in NYC. Two hours later I was sitting where I woke up, freshly showered, with a screwdriver in my hand watching last night's 'The Office' and '30 Rock' shows. 4 more of those drinks and I hopped out onto Manhattan Ave in Brooklyn during the middle of rush hour. I got a fresh pack of smokes and a slice of pepperoni down the block and jumped on the 61 bus to head to the bar where my friend was working.

I made it to the bar and pulled up a stool. Over the next 5 hours I drank half the bars' supply of Miller Lite and endulged in the complementary tater tots the bar served. We all left around 11pm and made our way into the city after hearing Springsteen on the jukebox and almost puking. The first stop was some dive bar joint in the lower east side called the Holiday Cocktail lounge. The bathroom there was so small I almost knocked myself over trying to get inside the door and wedge myself by the toilet to go piss. The bar seemed to be run by two older dudes who like to close around 1230am. They had cheap Bud bottles and wood panel walls that reminded me of my parents basement. As last call was over and we we're on our way out we heard Springsteen and I had to piss again and it was that same fucking song again.

Some minutes later we were sitting at a booth at Doc Holidays which I think was pretty close to where we were before. The bartender had tits that extended farther than the average persons arms and if you think that's good then ok. We drank PBR which put Drummer Floor Guy into death throes and he was on his way to the L train soon thereafter. Tiny E and I stuck it out, and after another 16oz of PBR we started walking again after hearing that same fucking Springsteen song. The next stop was on Avenue B; the place might have even been called Ave B, but they served 8 oz ponies for 2 bucks. We each got 2, and I took a piss in a bathroom that had Bloc Party sticker on the toilet. We weren't there long as we hopped in a cab and headed to a place called Happy Endings. I had to piss again after we ordered 2 Bud's and I stood in line next to some dude named Philmo. We were standing in line to the one unisex bathroom and he was with some chick that looked like a blonde version of Hilary Swank, but the sort of version that would be with a 60 inch dude named Philmo.

Tiny E realizes he is no longer in possession of his Ipod and we figure that it must have popped out of his jacket at Doc Holiday's. I thought it was a longshot, but we headed back around 23oam. The place was less busy and we made a beeline for the booth we were in earlier. The Ipod was wedged between the booth and the wall and we ordered 2 more PBRs after that victory. As the bar was closing we headed down the street and found our way to a pizza joint. I had slice of pepperoni and we made out way to the subway. I get down inside the station and I see a figure approaching as I am eating my pizza. Up walks a man dressed in woman's clothes and he asks what I am up to tonight. I mumble something with a mouthful and he asks if I am 'looking for a good time.' I laugh and he is on his way. I passed out around 5am.

I'm not dead

Holy shit it has been over a month since I last posted here. The month of december whizzed by pretty fast with the Christmas, prelim exams, and new year's holiday. The beginning of January was marked by my first trip to NYC (post forthcoming). Currently, my body is trying to give a beat down to a cold that started just after xmas, subsided after new years, and then made a nasty reprise this past weekend.

I decided to lay my balls on the table and throw a good chunk of money back into pokerstars. Everytime I see 100K plus people logged in, I start to salivate. Unfortunately, the first week after I deposited I got steamrolled and lost a fair amount. The last few days have been decent and I feel like I might be getting my mojo back. Stay tuned.

save as draft

Pretty good stuff right now:

Beck - The Information.
Cheap ass beer at Sendik's on Oakland.
Tickets to 1/4/07 NY Rangers game at MSG.
Holiday break from grad school.
Snowstorm that is about to kick out ass in Milwaukee.

Stupid shit right now:

Studying for my 2nd to last exam ever.
Joke of a poker bankroll.
Weed in my freezer.
My last trip to Potawatomi.

pigskin' f*ckit

I can't pick an NFL game correct to save my ass. The last 6 or 7 weeks my performance has been at about chance level. If I made my living betting on football games, I would be living in a fucking dumpster right now.

After beating the Seahawks in Seattle, the Vikes looked poised to go on a nice run with 3 of their next 4 games against very beatable teams in SF, GB, Miami. They got trounced by New England and then proceeded to lose the next 3 to 3 very mediocre teams. And the Timberwolves look like they are headed for another lottery pick this year. The have something like 8 guards on the roster; that makes alot of sense there, Kevin McHale. Ugh, when does baseball start?

I have been playing poker consistently, but at pretty low limits. I final tabled a 3 dollar HORSE tourney yesterday, which netted me something like 15 dollars. I am wondering whether or not to reload some accounts and get back to playing the levels I was before. One good thing about playing for peanuts is that I don't really care when I lose because I am losing no more money than most people have laying around in change jars. But, I still feel that competitive urge from time to time, and I can't help but think that will only be satisfied with a return to playing higher stakes. This will probably sound corny, but I really thought that I was good enough that one day I would make a nice score in a big tourney and have a bankroll that would allow me to play at levels where I could make real money. I was contemplating buying in to WSOP events and had started to play the Sunday Million a few times on pokerstars. Maybe I've lost that desire, maybe it's on vacation.