For future reference

Here’s my 'Republican guide for how not to fake an assault in order stir up fear of blacks and scare people into voting against Barack Obama.'

1) Don't detail your immediate pre-assault activities on Twitter or Myspace in order to make the story more believable. It will look awfully suspicious to anyone with half a brain.

2) Don't scrawl perfectly formed letters on your own face while looking into the mirror. They will look backwards to others.

3) When making said letter on your own face, you might want to make it look a bit messy for that implies some sort of struggle.

4) Black eyes typically co-occur with some swelling. Thus, if you give yourself a fake black eye, you better be prepared to punch your own eyes to make them swell.

5) If the cops show up, you need to have ice water in your veins or otherwise they'll catch on. Don't act all weird and refuse medical treatment. The cops are not as stupid as you might think. They've seen it all. You might be able to fool the people at Fox News or knuckle-dragging right wing bloggers, but us bipeds will figure it out.

6) Don't stage it in front of a place that might have security cameras unless you are going to claim you were assualted by an invisible abberation.