Monday, April 21, 2008

If this is it

Pokerstars new SNG promotion looks pretty cool (commence shilling) despite the fact that they called it 'battle of the planets'. If I had been paying attention to it last week I might have had a reasonable shot of placing on the leaderboard for the 15 dollar level. In the 5 SNGs I played in the last week I finished 1st once and 2nd in the other four. This helped bump up my rather meager bankroll. If I wasn't so g'damn busy working (14 hour days rule!), I'd be all over the SNG shit. I still would like to get back playing more, but now is not the time.

Watching some game 7 action tonight with the Habs vs Bruins while eating a big burrito (and playing a SNG). Habs are up 3-0 now. All other things being equal, I tend to cheer for the Canadian teams (except for Ottawa). Pittsburgh absolutely killed them, and if their goaltending can hold up, they could a long way with Malkin and Crosby up front. I am picking the Pens and the Sharks in the final, although the Sharks will be out if they can't win game 7 at home tomorrow.

I could give 2 shits about the NBA playoffs. With the crooked ref scandal, that whore David Stern, and the T-wolves sucking, I don't have any interest.

I don't think the Twins will amount to much this year, but they could be very good in a few years if guys like Gomez and Young develop well, some of their top-notch pitching prospects pan out, and if Mauer, Morneau, and Cuddyer can maintain their productivity/health. Lots of if, but I am pretty excited about the future of the Twins. Johan who?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


I sent off my taxes on Monday and had to pay in about $1600 to the IRS and another little chunk to the state of Wisconsin. 'Tis what happens when you don't have any income taxes withheld for the entire year. I suppose I could go off on one of these anti-government tirades, but I guess it's kind of hard since my salary over the last 4 years has been taken care of with taxpayer money via the department of health and human services (i.e. the government).

Let's recap this weeks' poker blogger drama. One blogger is criticized by some other bloggers because said blogger was on the receiving end of a good deal from another blogger which included a seat to some 'tournament of champions.' Turns out that blogger couldn't play in the TOC because it's Saturday and he's Jewish. I wish I could make shit like this up. This blogger (me) thinks the big stink about this is silly. It's a fucking poker tournament, unless otherwise stated in the rules people can chop the prize pool however they want. I guess I don't understand the gripe. Apparently, some people think a deal like this should have been brokered under the auspices of some unspoken "old school" poker blogger ethos.

Idea totally stolen from Pauly, but whatever.

Funny Google referrals:

1) How do you say donkey in sign language?
2) Tranny hookers in vegas
3) Noah Boeken gay
4) garbage quote
5) pictures of garbage in east st. louis

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

This is not an exit

"There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there." -Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

I dropped a couple comments over at Stb's blog about on one of his posts about the poker blogger 'circles of hell.' I might have pissed him off a tad when I said that he appeared to be contradicting himself from previous posts and that I didn't really understand the point of the exercise. I think I "get it" a little more after reading some other people's comments, but I'll never truly get it. I have never made any effort to be a part of any group(s) that exists within the poker blogger social stratum. I very rarely take part in any of the blogger tournaments, I have never felt the need to join a bunch of bloggers in a weekend of drunken debauchery (not that I don't enjoy this), and I am only vaguely familiar with most of the goings on of the poker blogger world. This says very little about the average poker blogger, and much more about me as a person and the situation I am in.

In general, I don't feel as comfortable being part of a group as I am observing a social situation. I'm not sure when this developed or if I was born with it, but I remember these feelings when I was very young. I never had very many friends growing up, but always got along well with others and was generally happy. In school I was a bit of a clown, a smart ass, average student K-12, but still without more than a few good friends. I think I went to 2 parties in high school, might have had a few dates, but spent most of my time with a few close friends.

When I played hockey as a kid, I never identified myself as a hockey player, even though nearly every team I was on from age 10 to 18 was wildly successful-winning 3 state championships, 5 regions, and 2 of the largest youth-age international hockey tournaments in North America. When I graduated high school I turned away the opportunity to play college hockey and instead became an anonymous 'over-achieving college student' and punk rock music enthusiast. These things are still part of me today, I love the music, but I was never a true 'punk rocker.' I didn't care for the drama a small social scene brings, and I didn't believe in the idea of placing tattoos on my body as a way to let people know I enjoyed this particular band or subscribed to a certain lifestyle.

As a junior and senior in college I lived by myself in an apartment in a majestic early 20th century home. Except for the classes I pretty much shut myself off from college life. I spent hours reading books; Slim, Burroughs, Bukowski, DeLillo, Ellis, Kerouac, etc. I adopted a minimalist lifestyle with no decorations in my apartment, and only a thrift store couch and small TV in my living room. I ate very modest meals, exercised regularly, and started smoking cigarettes. All of which caused me to lose quite a bit of weight. I dyed my hair black. Thinking back, I probably got out of the life of solitude at the right time. I was likely headed for some sort of psychological meltdown.

I started playing poker about 5 years ago right around the poker boom when a friend and I both were watching the WSOP coverage, and we started playing in some bar league poker in Milwaukee. Not long after that I was playing poker online and was able to build up a decent bankroll playing low limits. I began blogging a matter of months later mostly as a journal of sorts, but also to get in on some of the blogger promotions pokerstars was running. I've never been able to achieve anything more than mediocre success playing poker, and the last few years I have played sparingly. Within a few years poker will most likely disappear from my life.

I look back at the last 15 years I wonder if I am missing something-an identity or a true self. Some psychologists stress the development of an identity in order to progress on to the next stage of life. I think that's pretty much bullshit. There is no true "self" and there is no choice and no self-control. People have a hard time swallowing this fact, after all human beings can think, and our thoughts lead to actions. This is often mistaken as free will, but it's illusory, we don't control our own thoughts.